Sunday, April 20, 2014

How to Find People Interesting

Three Tips I'm Using to Overcome Conversational Boredom

Hey friends!

I have a small confession: I'm not into you. WHOA! Okay, let me back up and put this in context. I live a social, happy lifestyle with my friends, lover, colleagues and acquaintances that involves healthy, meaningful interactions. By no means would I be classified as socially awkward or unsocial. Slightly introverted in large groups - yes - but I have strong feelings and a clear voice and I use it regularly. Yet, I still get bored in the middle of conversations even though I know how important it is to show people you care by listening.

I enjoy you. I really do. But in those conversations of "Hey, how's it goin? What did you do this weekend? Where are you taking your summer vacation? Blah...blah..blah..." I check out HARD. 

I guess what I'm getting at is:

Kind of a bummer, right? Deep inside I want to care what people have to say and in my head I KNOW the folks around me have unique and wonderful things to share, but this overwhelming sensation of boredom grips me. FYI, this is super embarrassing for me to share this, and I hope some of you out there can relate.

Like a typical human being, I am the most fascinating subject on earth and breaking out of this self-focused mold is very, very necessary. Self-absorption is lame and it's time to kick this habit!

So you've probably tried "being a good listener" too, but faking interest only works some of the time if I'm really truly present and really f-o-c-u-s-i-n-g. Then I have a new problem - worrying that my "trying-to-pay-attention-to-you" demeanor will be just as insulting as frank inattentiveness.


1. Speak your mind. If "What did you think of the game last night" doesn't dazzle you, TAKE the conversation somewhere that does. Stagnating in verbal wasteland does no one good. By being in-tune in the moment and sharing some of your inner dialog with those around you, genuine conversation has better odds. This doesn't have to be totally random and off-the-wall, just some keen thoughts that you've been pondering. I know I always love it when someone sidesteps the tete-a-tete and digs into a real topic. Get gutsy, and open open!

2. Try to learn something. Key-in on the other person's experiences, expertise, background, etc and selfishly ask questions that might help you in other areas of your life. If you are actually interested, the other person should get a nice rush from being the expert and enlightening an eager novice.

3. Be honest with herself. If you seriously are't into someone, perhaps you need to be challenged by a crowd of people you look up to and want to emulate or learn from. Feeling "out of your league" is a great way to stay on point. A change of social scenery may be all that's needed for you to fully re-engage. Take inattentiveness as a clue that you need more stimulus so the crowd your with a favor since it's probably pretty apparent you are unfulfilled. So identify the group of people you are attracted to and get out there!

For more reading, here's a post discussing how to overcome lack of interest in those around you. Based on the comments, there's a fair amount of people who suffer from the boredom blues too.  If that's you, what do you do to make genuine connections and find beauty and intrigue in those around you? Thanks for posting your suggestions below!


  1. Great post!


  2. Thanks, Allie! Hope your doing fantastic, doll!